


The Feline Piper

by bunbunko



Category: Dragon Age - All Media Types, Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Cats, F/M, Fluff, Humor, Lots and lots of cats, Solas Spoilers, Solas doesn't like cats, like at all, when something doesn't make any sense just say that it's Magic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-22
Updated: 2018-04-22
Packaged: 2019-04-26 12:23:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,022
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14402064
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bunbunko/pseuds/bunbunko
Summary: During a fight with a small group of Venatori, Solas made a split-second action to prevent a magical explosion. Unfortunately, the side effect is very inconvenient, and also long-lasting.Or AU where Solas attracts cats, like a pot of catnip.This is also an excuse to make as many ridiculous cat names as possible.





	The Feline Piper

It was a normal field day for the Inquisitor and her companions. They're strolling the arid landscape of the Western Approach and they're regularly getting ambushed by a small group of Venatori.

Actually, ambushed is not the right word. Because Cadash just yelled and ran head first, way faster than anyone thought a dwarf can run, to the first Venatori that she spotted.

Right now they're fighting another small group after Cadash head-butted one of them. 

Blackwall raised his shield to block a fireball shot by a spellbinder. He planted his feet and prepares himself for the impact. Varric ducks behind him to reload Bianca, a process that is now slower than usual since a Venatori stalker managed to graze his arm.

Time seems to slow down when a strange feeling sent shivers down Solas' spine. The spellbinder is clearly ready to shoot a fireball, but the Veil here is thin and it's now contorting wildly. This is bad, if he didn't fix it then this fireball might just become way stronger than it should be. The explosion could kill all of them.

He immediately sent a spell to the Inquisitor's marked hand. Her hand snapped outwards involuntarily before sending a pulse of power that forced the Veil to snap back in place.

What he didn't expect is a shockwave to form and knocks all of them off their feet. Well, except for Blackwall who's yelling "bloody hell!" because his head is behind his shield and he just thought that the fireball is somehow stronger than usual. He lowers his shield and marches towards the spellbinder. With one powerful swing, he struck down the mage with his axe.

Meanwhile, Solas landed headfirst and immediately loses consciousness. Varric ran up to him after he regained balance from getting knocked by the blast. He shoots a stalker right on the throat before he got the opportunity to run and stab Solas.

A moment passed before they decided that there's no more Venatori stalker lurking around waiting for them. Blackwall hooks his shield on his back and his axe on his hip.

"Are you okay, my lady?" Blackwall asked as he offered his hand to Cadash.

She accepted his hand and stood up, staring at her marked hand in bewilderment.

"What the hell was that?" she whispered, her hand is still tingling from the spell. She turned her head to look at Solas, who is laying down unmoving a few feet away from her.

She grimaced when she spotted a spot on his bald head that is already forming a bruise. Looks like he had enough bad luck to land on a flat rock when they're fighting in acres of sand.

Blackwall got the 'carrying-the-unconscious-elf' duty by default since the other two conscious members of the Inquisition present are both dwarfs. Cadash is probably strong enough to carry Solas with one hand, but half of his body will be dragging on the ground if she tried to give him a piggyback ride.

So there they go, marching to the nearest camp to treat their wounds.

\---

The healer at the camp finished checking up on the bald elf. She said that his head is just bruised and that he probably fainted from the spell, which brings a sense of dread to Cadash. Solas is probably the best magical healer that the Inquisition can offer, and also the _only_ magical healer present. If he doesn't regain consciousness, she'll have to transport him to the nearest Inquisition outpost with an experienced magical healer stationed.

"Don't worry too much, my lady. I've hit my head several times harder, and I'm totally fine," Blackwall said, giving her a slow spin for good measure. Cadash giggled in reaction, giving him a playful eye roll.

"Oh, that's only because your skull is thicker than my butt!" she replied after she stopped giggling. Blackwall let out a roaring laugh at that, and both of them broke into a laughing fit. The healer gave them a particularly nasty side-eye as she's re-bandaging Varric's arm.

Solas slowly opened his eyes, his head is pounding and his ears are ringing and Cadash's shrill laughter is not helping at all. He tried to remember what happened before as he pushed himself into a more comfortable position on his cot.

"Look! He's awake!" Cadash exclaimed and approached Solas' cot. He gave her an appreciative smile when she brought him a skin of water.

"Are you okay? No... suspicious sensations all over your body? Are your fingers still intact? Nothing is falling off right?" Cadash asked in her trademark babble that she's prone to do when she's nervous. Solas gave her a reassuring gesture.

"Besides a headache, I'm fine. I will tell you when If I felt something that is out of place. What about you? I did cast the spell without warning," Solas said after he finished drinking. Cadash checked her hand again. Honestly, she almost forgot about the spell since her mind is currently in twenty different places.

She waved her marked hand, "Ah, no, I'm fine now. It was tingling a bit after the fight but it's settled down now. Can I ask what was the spell for?"

Solas breathes a sigh of relief, that could've gone so much worse, "Yes, I noticed in the fight earlier that the spellbinder didn't realize that his spell is straining the already thin Veil too much. Or he did realize it and wanted it to explode anyway if it means eliminating you. So I gave your mark a little push to snap the Veil back in place. The shockwave wasn't planned but it's better than the alternative."

Cadash lost track of what he's saying halfway through but gave him a smile anyway before excusing herself to talk to a scout about the plan to storm the Griffon Wing Keep.

The elf shook his head in slight amusement, his mind wandering to the shockwave that hit him square in the chest. His headache has diminished, and his ears are not ringing anymore. So nothing will go wrong right?

Right?

\---

Turns out Solas was proven wrong roughly one month after the endeavor. The party has just arrived back at Skyhold, eager to rest and wait for the next mission.

Solas was picking up a shipment of books from Morris when out of nowhere a little ginger cat trots up to him and touched his ankle gently. At first, he paid it no mind, thinking that it's just the wind. He unravels a ball of twine to tie the stack of books, and the cat's eye glints mischievously. It watched the twine swing back and forth for a moment before jumping up to swat at it.

Everything goes red for a split second for Solas when he made eye contact with that furry feline. He jumped back, chest pounding, and barely managed to suppress a yell. Morris just looks down and casually goes "Oh there you are," before picking up the ginger cat.

He went outside of his post to call an elven servant that was carrying a bucket of dirty dishes and lifted the cat so she could see it.

"Ser Clawdia!" she exclaimed as she ran to fetch the cat. She cuddled with the cat for a moment before thanking Morris and goes on with her day.

His chest hasn't pounded this hard since what? The day he decided that he'll free the slaves of the Evanuris? He clutched his chest and composed himself when Morris came back in. He quickly finished tying up the stack of books and excused himself before he ran out of the room.

Truth be told, Solas gets very jumpy near cats ever since he learned how to transform into his favorite form, The Dread Wolf. There's just something wrong about those miniature apex predators. His instinct just goes **run run run** whenever he saw one

He basically ran to the rotunda, kind of afraid to be out in the open again since he knew that there's cat strolling about in Skyhold. How did they get here anyway? The climb here was not some normal stroll, he'd think that only the nobles will bring unnecessary stuff here. And keeping cats is out of season, according to Vivienne.

Solas scowled as he opened the first book to study. His tense shoulder gradually relaxing as he flips the pages.

He was already so absorbed in the book that he didn't realize someone didn't close the door again when they entered the rotunda. A cat that was perched on the parapet sniffed the air, whisker twitching along with its adorable pink nose. The feline decided that it likes the smell and jumped down to chase it. It slipped through the slightly opened metal framed door and trots up to the bald elf in the middle of the rotunda.

The grey cat sniffed Solas' right foot, clearly confused. Why does this guy smell so good, but he's not a food? Or the grass that makes it happy? Doesn't really matter though, the cat wants to lay down on him.

So up it goes, landing on Solas' table. He snapped his head to see a pair of big round yellow eyes staring at him. He froze, this can't be happening.

"Meow?"

Solas screeched and tried to get away so fast that he ended up falling down with his chair. The cat jumped too in surprise and hisses when it landed on the ground. The ruckus made everyone on the library and the rookery immediately look down to see what's going on. 

They are greeted by the view of Solas trying to get up, looking absolutely offended at the grey cat that is now hissing angrily at him. Dorian almost burst out laughing at this. No scratch that, he's _absolutely_ hollering in laughter. Leliana just smiled and added that little tidbit in her mind, _Solas is afraid of cats, got it_.

Meanwhile, Solas was completely oblivious to the fact that right now everyone in the rotunda is looking at the scene. He's just concerned about how he'll get out of this situation. He held his pose of slightly bending down and both hands in the air defensively as his brain is spinning wildly to find a route to safety.

The undercroft? No, he'll have to pass through nobles and he doesn't really want to run around in the middle of the main hall. Inquisitor's bedroom? What? Why would you think of that place? Blackwall is probably there and he really doesn't want to see him naked. The kitchen?

Oh, that's right, the kitchen. The cook protects the place from any sort of critters like a dragon protecting her dragonlings. If he could outrun the cat, the cook will scare the cat away. He'll be safe there.

So there he runs up to the library, his lithe legs carrying him faster than he's ever run before. He vaguely heard Dorian's hysterical laughter but he doesn't want to think about it. The cat chases after him because heck, why does this good smelling elf is running away from it? He must be hiding foods from it.

Solas slammed the door to Vivienne's balcony open and ran as fast as he could to the other side of it. Vivienne looks kind of surprised to see the normally calm elf running full speed. She wonders what is actually happening when a fat grey cat ran after him.

"Isn't that Ser Barris' cat? Hmm, what was its name?" Vivienne muttered under her breath, it's not really important but she'd be frustrated if she doesn't remember it.

Just as Solas opened the door to run down the stairs again, she snaps her finger, "Ah, right. Its name is Purrlock, I believe. What a silly name."

In any case, Purrlock is chasing Solas down the stairs and to the empty room under Josephine's office. Solas was running out of breath and the grey yowling cat is zooming dangerously close to him, he managed to slam the kitchen door just in time before Purrlock could get its little paw inside the kitchen.

Solas took heavy gulps of air, when he composed himself he noticed that two of the kitchen's hand is looking at him in bewilderment. One of them is clutching his broom in fear. The cook is nowhere to be found.

"Ah, umm... Do any of you, maybe, know where the cook is?" Solas asked, a little bit out of breath.

One of them said that the cook is out because a noble called her to complain about the pies and that she said not to let anyone into the kitchen, not even the Inquisitor's companions.

Solas jumped at the sound of the cat scratching the kitchen door and meowing loudly. So with dread, he opened the door that leads to the courtyard.

He tried to calm himself down as he walks down the stairs. He noticed that Blackwall is there, chopping some firewoods. Huh, didn't he went to the Inquisitor's room earlier? Has it been that long?

Dennet approached Blackwall with a disgruntled look on his face. He exchanged some words with the Warden for a moment before Blackwall followed him back to the stables. The elderly man reached down to pick a basket.

"Oh, no no no," Solas whispered under his breath.

Sure enough, the basket in Dennet's hand contains seven kittens of various colouring, they seem to be two months old. One of the kittens woke up and sniffed the air, the rest followed suit. They started meowing and jumping out of the basket.

 _'This is it,'_ Solas thought. _'This is the day I die'_

Blackwall watches the scene with fascination. Solas, the resident Fade expert, always calm and rational, is running away from a horde of kittens. The servants and soldiers are laughing. Ser Clawdia jumps off from an elf's arm and joins the chase, along with several other adult cats in the vicinity.

Solas saw Iron Bull walking out the tavern with a confused look on his face and took the opportunity to save himself, and also destroy his reputation forever. With a surprising agility, he jumped on Qunari and landed on his broad shoulder. Anyone else would fall from the sudden added weight but Bull just looks up at the elf that is now perched on his shoulder.

Bull guessed that the only elf that will willingly climb on his shoulder is Sera but he's pleasantly surprised.

"You okay Solas? Get enough fresh air?"

"Just get them off of me!"

Bull looks down to see a horde of cats meowing and jumping to swat at Solas' butt flap sweater. He shrieks and jerks everytime a furry paw swats too close to his arse, his hands gripping Bull's horns so hard his knuckles turned white.

He noticed some of the cats here belonged to various servants and soldiers. His Ben-Hassrath mind remembers everything, even the idle banters that he heard by accident. There's Hisseya, a white cat with a bald spot on its back, owned by a soldier who loved to tell stories about the fourth blight. Its currently eyeing Solas with its big blue eyes, butt wiggling in anticipation.

Cadash observed the scene from Vivienne's balcony after the Orlesian mage smoothly pulled her away from an unpleasant exchange with a couple of nobles. The whole scene reminded her of that time when Cullen told her about his childhood, about a golem in the middle of his village. He and his siblings would throw seeds on it and pigeons would swarm the golem and perch on it.

Well, it's like that, but the golem is actually a qunari with an elf on top and the pigeons are cats. Vivienne is covering her smile behind a wine glass but Cadash knew she's enjoying this. She swore on her Ancestors that she heard Vivienne giggle but she's not really sure. It might be the wine, there are 2 empty bottles of it sitting innocently on her gilded coffee table.

"Well, my dear Inquisitor. I think it's time to help him, don't you think?" She said after a few minutes of her trying to swallow her laughter.

Cadash nodded in agreement.

\---

Solas sat in the infirmary in complete silence. He refused to look at everyone else. Now that he's not panicking over cats, the embarrassment came crashing like a charging bronto. He should've checked the aftermath of the spell more thoroughly. The curse was a simple one too, how could he not have realized it sooner.

Anyway, what's done's done. Now the horde of cats had dispersed, going back to whatever cats do when they're not tormenting an ancient elf.

"I... would not have guessed that you would be uncomfortable around cats, Solas," Cadash said, to break the awkward silence.

Solas let out a half-hearted laugh, uncomfortable is only putting it very mildly. He's _terrified_ of cats. There's not even a rational explanation for it, most shapeshifters don't retain their animal characteristic. They could even forget how to act like a certain animal if they're out of practice.

"Well, that's putting it lightly," he said. "I'd rather this whole thing not brought up again if you would be so kind."

"Of course!"

"Eh, I'm not making any promises."

Cadash glared at Bull until he agreed to not to talk about it. Solas highly doubt that he'll go through with that promise but at least he won't talk about it in front of him. Vivienne, on the other hand, will probably roast him mercilessly with 'civilized' words. Thankfully, Solas is a very patient person.

The small party dispersed when the surgeon kicks them out of the infirmary. Cadash never understood why the mason didn't make the infirmary bigger, even her room is bigger than this. Solas grabs a beige linen sheet to hide his face when they're walking out. He went straight to his room and left the stack of new books unread. There's no way he's gonna show his face in public anytime soon.

As he laid down on his bed, ready to escape to the Fade, he thought:

_At least Sera wasn't involved in this._

**Author's Note:**

> Uni is killing me and I just want to shitpost a lot in my free time :((( and I don't even have the energy to shitpost what kinda bullshit-
> 
> Also after I published the fic, it said that it's published on April 15? It's April 23 now what the heck, I'm fairly new to AO3 I don't understand shit. So I reposted the whole thing


End file.
